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Why do I need your approval?

Why is it that every time I take a personality test, I'm so excited to read the results? It's almost like I am more excited to see what someone else has to say about me than what I have to say about myself!

I was thinking about this the other night because I have taken about 8 different personality tests and strengths test in the last 2 years. Some just for fun. Some at the request of my coaches and mentors. And 3 were actual psych tests administered by a psychologist for a child custody evaluation! Nevertheless, they all seem to intrigue me.

When I read the results, I am always so excited to see what they have to say about me. I realized that I've been this way my whole life. I've always craved to know what others were thinking about me or saying about me. I always hope that it is good and when it is it puts a huge smile on my face. Sometimes I even cry!

I had a counselor tell me one time that the point that you start crying in life is a part of your life that you really want to give attention to and figure out what is behind those tears. Looking back I usually cry for two reasons, frustration or validation. Obviously one is happy tears and the other is not. Frustration I understand. That is a need for justice and fairness in the world. But the validation one really perks my interest. What is this need for validation? Where does it come from? Well, interestingly enough, every personality test I've taken including my Human Design Reading, says that my personality type and human design is one that does crave and thrive on RECOGNITION!

What is even more amazing is that I used to think this was a bad character trait. Mostly because someone in my life insisted that I was using this as a selfish and immature ploy for attention, but now I see the flip side. This recognition-seeking behavior does not have to be bad. In fact it can be very useful. The key to unlocking control of it is to have awareness. I am now very aware that my body and brain naturally crave recognition and validation, however, I am now using it as a compliment to my direction in life instead of a compass for my direction in life.

Let me explain

In the past I have followed the recognition. Anyone that is recognizing me and validating me for what I am DOING is usually using me to benefit THEM and THEIR AGENDA... not a bad thing, but it does not always serve me and my purpose. They aren't always trying to take advantage. Such as in the workplace, they need me to perform so they can see growth and profit. That is not malicious by any means, but sometimes it won't serve me as much as it does them. Following this kind of recognition can lead me into losing my identity if I don't make sure I'm staying true to myself. Does this make sense?

This is the same for toxic relationships. If you are craving recognition, appreciation and validation from your partner, you will constantly be praised for your performance when it benefits your partner. ESPECIALLY if you are not good at setting and enforcing boundaries, which usually people like me are not, because that does not give us positive recognition, it actually gives the opposite. This person will cut you down because you are not serving their agenda.

On the other hand. No matter what, if you know your direction and your purpose, you are able to set boundaries and enforce them with confidence. The only problem is that pesky craving for recognition and validation is not met in these circumstances. This is where we use our awareness of that tendency and use it to mold our environment. I am in the most beautiful place in my life now that I have learned to master this. I only give my time and space to activities and people that are aligned with my mission and purpose. Now, when I don't get recognition or validation for WHO I AM rather than WHAT I AM DOING, I kindly thank them for their time, set my boundary and move forward, sometimes leaving them behind.

But the most miraculous thing happens when you finally streamline this process... people who used to use you for their agenda will see you aligning with yours. They will admire it and they will crave it! You will begin to be magnetic. Your personality is already naturally charismatic and energizing. That's why people want you around. So with that superpower, if you pair your new found control of when and where you receive the recognition and validation that serves you.... wow... you are




For those of you that crave validation and recognition the way I did, I can help you master this. The peace and solidity that you will feel on the other side is... indescribable.

I went from Seeking to Solid, and now I want to help others do the same!

I offer private coaching, brainspotting and training modules on my app to help you get there, all at different price points so there is something for every budget. Send me an email for details or check out the Coaching Tab on the website.

If you are interested in doing your own Human Design reading, check out Jessica Roberts on IG at @iamdesignedformore

I had her do all my kids and it was an amazing tool that helped me understand why they each react the way they do and what they need to feel safe, loved, and heard!

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