You'll only understand this point of view if you have experienced the darkness of suicidal ideation. First of all, you must know the difference between suffering from suicidal ideation and suffering from becoming suicidal. Basically, to keep it extremely short and sweet, if someone is suicidal it means they have a plan to hurt themselves and they plan to carry it out. Suicidal ideation is a milder condition in which you hope to die, fantasize about dying and think about how nice it would be to be taken from this world, but you do NOT plan to hurt yourself.
Suicidal Ideation is much more common. Almost everyone at some point in their life has imagined steering their car into oncoming traffic or off of a ledge to lessen the pangs of life as they know it.
I suffered from suicidal ideation for about 7 years. During that time I remember not wanting to buckle up my seatbelt. I thought, "maybe if I just leave it to fate, I'll get in a wreck and not wearing my seatbelt will increase my chances of escaping from this life."
When you go through so much suffering, it is really cool to finally embrace your healing. After a year of therapy and EMDR (highly recommended if you have trauma), I have reached a place of such peace and calm. I've never been so hopeful, successful, healthy and happy!
The other day, I forgot to buckle my seatbelt as I pulled out of my parking spot. My car "dinged" at me in what seemed like a playful reminder! My first instinct, after so many years of trauma was to have the familiar thought of "Why buckle up, I'd rather not" but instead a huge smile came over my face and tears filled my eyes as I happily thought to myself, "I have SO much to live for, I'm definitely buckling up!!"
If you are struggling with something and you are feeling hopeless, just know that you are not alone. And also know that there IS hope. There is healing. Reach out and look for it. It's worth it!
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