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I'm "FINE"!

As I am learning in the pursuit of my Psychology degree, one of the most influential factors for "happiness" and "well-being" is emotion.

Emotions can make or break your mental well-being. Whether they are out of control, on one extreme or the other, or just not there at all. So many of us have had seasons in our life where we feel like everything is going terrible. We are constantly crying and just feeling lonely, stuck and depressed. Then there are times when everything seems to be going right! We are newly in love, got that dream job, graduated from college, or accomplished a huge goal!

And then there's that awkward season where you feel... nothing. You are just numb. Usually this comes after a breakup, or as a phase of grieving.

The good news (if you can call it that) is that these seasons, phases or categories are all normal. I love/hate that word... "normal". We are so different and yet so alike in so many ways as a human race, that "normal" really shouldn't even be in our vocabulary. It's a recipe for disaster. But that's a blog for another Oprah!

Today I wanted to talk about Emotional Protection.

As we go through these different phases in our life, how do we protect ourselves emotionally? How do we come out of it "ok".

I went through a time in my life when I did not have these skills. My life seemed to be losing it's luster. After I experienced the therapeutic genius of my therapist, Rachel Hayes, I realized that I had the tools I needed within me all along. It just took some coaxing to get them out. I had to retrain my brain to see opportunities in "failures", to see beauty in pain, and sacred solitude in "loneliness".

On our podcast Shattered to Unbreakable this week, I had the honor of having Rachel as a guest. What she said was nothing short of MORE genius! She talked about communication being the basis of our emotional regulation. This makes SO much sense. If you really think about it, communication can be the root of all your problems, or the reason for all your success.

I've seen evidence of this shift in my life.

One of the most relatable metaphors she used is "sweeping it under the rug."

We all do that at one point or another, don't we.

A new job, or a new relationship, or maybe a friend that we don't want to lose. We don't want to be embarrassed by setting boundaries because we don't want to seem like a b*!@% to everyone around us.

We just "let it go" and sweep it under the rug. So, what happens when you sweep enough dust and debris under a rug. A rug is usually four sides... and there's only so much room underneath it. Eventually it is going to spill out the sides. When we bottle up our emotions and try to let things go without addressing them in a healthy way, we sometimes end up blowing up on someone that doesn't deserve it. In Human Design this is called ratcheting. And I'm the queen of it! Or used to be!

Since working with Rachel I've learned to tastefully express and communicate my emotions, and carefully self-examine to know if I need to look at a different perspective. It has helped me in ALL areas of life!

My career is flourishing because I know how to communicate with clients, coworkers, and investors. My relationships are blooming because I know how to express my boundaries and feelings while also respecting others'. My self-love is at its highest because I can gently communicate with myself!

I wish you could be inside my head for 2-3 days! My dialogue goes back and forth from the tendencies of my old ways of thinking, to gently redirecting and guiding my energy and light into a beautiful, peaceful, joy-filled experience in every moment. Even in times when I'm frustrated, angry, lonely or anxious, I'm able to use my skills and new neuro-pathways to create opportunity and space for love.

There's no way I'll stop until I spread this newfound way of living. This new mindset that continuously opens doors when there doesn't seem to be any within miles!

Rachel said the word, "FINE" stands for F&#*ed-up, Insane, Neurotic and Emotional

(I think I got that right)!

I love that!

I'd like to challenge you, instead of saying, "FINE" to really explore what you are feeling. Google Emotions Wheel and just pinpoint what emotion you are feeling when you are tempted to say you are "FINE."

Here's her advise on how to word something that might be bothering you in a less confrontational way, "When you said that, what came up for me was _________, and I feel __________."

This is a bomb of a tool. You'll be able to use this in every setting! Try it out and tell us how it goes. You can listen to the podcast for more tips and tools from Rachel! It was a great episode! She even touches on some methods for self-brainspotting!! It's a must-listen episode for improving your over-all emotional strength!

If you are interested in finding the peace and meaning that I have found in the last 5 years, here's where you can start:

  1. Rachel Hayes is a therapist and offers 1:1 sessions and group sessions that can be done in person or online. To find out more, go to her website here:

  2. An affordable option to start transforming your environment and self-image is my Reclaim Your Story program. It's an 8-Day DIY Course that's only $58. You can learn more here:

  3. And if you want to get started but can't afford to yet, here is a freebie to get you started! FREE Dating Me Guide

When you finally get tired of being F&#*ed-up, Insane, Neurotic and Emotional, you'll do something to change it! ;)

Stay Sparkly Sweet Sisters!

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