I just saw a post that made me stop...
I mean really stop.
It made me take a deep breath. It made me think about the last 20 years.
When confidence is where you start, and healing is where you end up... sometimes you are forced to take a really deep look at what the heck happened in between.
So many times I hear people get to a point in their life where they just say,
"How the heck did I get here?"
"What do I have to show for my life?"
"I thought it was going to be different."
I'll be the first to say that multiple times in my life I have taken a pause to look back and I do NOT like what I see.
I can't believe some of the choices of made. Some of the cards that have been dealt. Some of the people that I've survived.
This post I saw said this. "I watched myself go from being the happiest, most outgoing person, to fighting every day to heal. So yeah, my comeback is personal."
It sent shivers up my spine. I used to be so proud of who I was. Then I reached a point where I didn't think I could make it another minute. I was literally fighting for my life through every moment. Not even really understanding why.
All I know is, I hung on for one more minute. One more hour. One more day. One more month. One more year.
And through those compounding "one-mores" I made it to the other end of healing.
I never could have imagined the peace it brought.
I'm not saying everything is fixed. That I don't worry. That I don't feel sad, frustrated, mad, scared, or defeated at times.
All of those things still happen, almost daily. The difference between who I was til now is this:
~When I was young and confident, the downs hurt my ego and my pride. I pushed them away with positivity to the point that they were never addressed.
~When I was fighting in my lowest low, the downs made me feel hopeless. Like there was no point in even fighting anymore. I would often ask myself, "What's the point?"
~Now... The downs give me perspective. They teach me how dark feels, so that I can recognize the light more clearly. The dark moments allow me to choose to rest in them. They show me how grateful I am for the ups. I appreciate every little moment of bliss, knowing that it's fleeting. Knowing that it will come back, but I won't know when. It leaves me looking for it, unable to miss it if it pops up again!
This post is for those of you that are fighting every day to heal.
Keep fighting for one more moment.
One more moment.
That's all that is expected of you.
And just know that your comeback is real, its coming, and you're going to be filled with peace on the other side.
Bring out the Warrior inside of yourself. She's ready to fight for you in full armor.
Your comeback is personal.
Photo Credit: Andy Johns - @theandyjohns
Makeup, Wardrobe and Graphic Design: Brandi Babin @reclaimjournal